Common Myths/Misconceptions about Incels
Incels are confusing and explaining the whole incel/blackpill is tricky because there are few different interpretations of it and a few different brands of incels so I thought I’d make a really quick blog about some common myths or misconceptions people might have about incels in as little detail as possible because I want this to be quick, snappy and something a bit simple for a change…
Incels are all misogynists
Incels are not, in fact, all misogynists and in academia there is a distinction made between non misogynist incels and misogynist incels. The reason why misogynist incels get all the focus is because they potentially pose a threat to others and so they are picked up by counter extremism, law enforcement and adjacent areas. The non-misogynist incels get less media attention because, well, they don’t potentially pose a threat. Non-misogynist incel voices are often drowned out by the misogynist voices as those voices are more angry, aggressive and hostile which make them alarming. Non misogynist incels do not tend to frequent the more well known incel forums but may go to other forums such as r/foreveralone. Incels might also be on a spectrum of misogyny, from extreme and violent all the way to subtly condoning or legitimating some kinds of misogyny, or being comfortable with a certain level of misogyny. Non-misogynist incels tend to be more focused on their own personal issues and ways to find a way out of inceldom or to improve their lives, or just find some likeminded friends online who aren’t hateful. Non-misogynist incels will rarely, if ever, go up against misogynist incels and often tend to avoid online conflict in general.
Misogynist incels are all white
This is not true as many incels are from various ethnicities, races and backgrounds.
Misogynist incels would all be fine if they had girlfriends
This is a common misconception. Firstly, it includes the idea that all misogynist incels want a girlfriend, which isn’t actually true as quite a few openly reject the idea of a girlfriend and instead want to have casual encounters or short term flings. Secondly, it suggests that all of the problems misogynist incels, or any person, has can be fixed by a girlfriend or partner including financial fragility, mental health issues, job insecurity and emotional issues. Many misogynist incels openly admit to having various mental health issues as well as other issues that impact their lives negatively such as a lack of job prospects or financial stability. These issues will not be solved with having a partner and can actually be exacerbated. While some incels may be in a position where they would be able to handle a relationship, many need other kinds of support as well or before entering a relationship. The idea that a relationship is an emotional safety net for people, that they automatically always make life easier, is not true and for people who are in situations that are tumultuous, relationships can become an added emotional stress, not a fix. While getting into a relationship could very well be a positive thing for some incels, it may not be the best thing for others at this moment. Incels are very varied in their emotional and mental health as well as life situations. Very misogynist incels also potentially pose a risk factor and it might be harmful to the other person in a relationship (if a person has gone a long time viewing women as subhuman, it’s pretty doubtful they’ll have a complete switch in mentality after meeting someone romantically and in moments of anger or frustration, this could come out).
All incels are white supremacist
Misogynist incels on incel forums are not all politically aligned and many are not white supremacist, however, white supremacy and antisemitism find a really happy home there and there is a fair amount of it. This often leads to non misogynist or non hateful incels to not want to join the forums, along with the misogyny. While in the incel world there is a thing called ‘JBW’ or ‘Just Be White’ theory which puts white men at the top of the totem pole, white incels will actually constantly fight against this stance because in the incel world, up is often down. It’s a crab bucket. However, it’s obvious that the way women are categorised shows the ideological undercurrent- white women are the ultimate prize, Asian women are often fetishized and black women are completely torn apart and compared to animals. Incels who adhere to this view may not count themselves as white supremacist, they might not even be white, but they uphold or legitimate old white supremacist narratives of white people being the most beautiful and the best and everyone else being uncivilised and lower.
Only incels are misogynist/male supremacist
Misogynist incels are one of the most out there and outspoken groups so it’s really easy to pin it all on them, but they’re absolutely not alone and are really just reacting to what society still kind of legitimates and allows.
incels are all young
This is partly actually true. Statistically, there is a big drop between the 20s and 30s in terms of men in relationships or men who are virgins. Also, on misogynist incel forums, the ages are low as we can see via the amount of conversations about college, school, first jobs and the general vibe and aesthetic. It is more rare to find a extreme misogynist incel over 26 than under. This doesn’t necessarily mean that these guys have gotten into relationships are all happily ever aftered, it’s more likely that there’s a sort of maturity or chill out time around that age where many guys just find themselves leaving these spaces, getting jobs, a social circle and are just less inclined towards hate. Hate is time consuming, it needs a level of energy and it also burns people out. Depression, the other common feeling found in these places, can also fade out and many people just sort of find their ways out of incel depression either with mental health help, through self improvement, lifestyle change or just from sort of from gradually shifting perspective. It’s pretty normal for people around the mid or late twenties in certain extremist groups or movements to move away.
If they just have sex they won’t be misogynist incels anymore
Firstly, they’re not all virgins, some will hide this fact, others might be a bit more open or allude to it and they also aren’t actually all failing romantically. It’s not really about that as much for many in misogynist incel spaces, for many it’s about having a group, a comradery, a mission, a shared goal, a brotherhood, a sense of power or a place where they can vent or revel in dark fantasies of revenge and violence. Again, a girlfriend, or having sex, or any of that isn’t the quick fix it might seem to be. Misogynist incel spaces are only tied together by a shared hatred or disdain towards women and society, not a true desire to be with women (or they’d talk about that more). And yeah I quote Groucho Marx about now, but the thing is, the idea of the group is kind of like why people join one of those random angry biker groups, they want to hang out together and get angry, get edgy, get into those dark places and it’s the place where they do. It’s not about giving each other advice, it’s about venting and feeling like you belong, and being angry, aggressive, misogynist and more is the vibe of the group. And there’s in power in victimhood, there’s power in feeling tied by that victimhood. This is also pretty attractive for young guys who don’t have a social group. Even they had a girlfriend, they’d still want that social group to talk to other guys like them. Some incels on the forums have had girlfriends, some have had flings or little whatevers, but it’s the wanting to talk to other guys in a specific kind of way who they can relate to that can often bring them in.
Misogyny is an attitude that doesn’t just disappear because a guy meets a beautiful woman on a train. While I’m not implying that all misogynist incels would be potential wife beaters, the naive idea that just having a girlfriend will change their entire perspective of women over night is unlikely to be the case, and that goes for any kind of misogynist man, not just incels. Misogynist incels will say, ‘it’s not our misogyny that turns women away, there are misogynist men who date women all the time’ and they’re absolutely correct, however, that doesn’t take away from the real risk factor or threat. Incels, counter to their own beliefs, are likely to find themselves in relationships at at least one point in their lives. Misogynist incels would pose a real DV factor especially as it’s important to keep in mind that even though older people view them as teenagers, most misogynist incels are 18+ years old and many are college aged. While misogynist incels are not beyond redeeming or anything, they’re also not exactly the type of people who would be fit and ready for a relationship and so it’s not a good idea to have an idea that if they just get taught the ‘tips and tricks with women’ then they’re good to go.
Incels are all violent
No, they’re not. A select few, and there is also a threat of suicide from this community too. However, non irl attacks can still potentially come from the misogynist incel community such as cyberstalking, doxxing, sharing photos of minors.
There is no solution to the incels issue then if a relationship isn’t the right thing
In some cases, a relationship could absolutely be the best thing for an incel, mostly a non misogynist incel. Other times other things might be better, like good advice on careers, working holiday options, financial advice, meet ups, social groups, encouragement to follow their passions. Incels are individuals with a variety of personalities, likes, dislikes, issues and quirks. Often being an incel is about feeling alienated, feeling alone, left out or weird, finding ways to bring them in, to incorporate more differences into our groups and societies and helping people who might need a little guidance can be enough. Lots of us have dealt with loneliness, rejection, low self esteem, paranoia and so even if we think incels are so different, we can actually relate to them as we would anyone else. There are as many solutions as there are incels and that’s why it should be about seeing them as individuals and appreciating their differences, not just seeing them as one big group.
